Twenty-four

I can be perfect - if I only try a little harder
I can be perfect - if I only try a little harder
I can be perfect - if I only try a little harder

I am not trying hard enough
Work harder, work harder, do more, do more!
Be the best, be the best
I can be perfect

I am a failure - I am worth nothing
I am a failure - I am worth nothing
I am a failure - I make myself sick

I cannot succeed, why did I try?
I am nothing, nothing, nothing!
I am not perfect, I am not worthy
Shame shame shame

I can be perfect - if I only try a little bit harder...

Twenty-three

With a sliver of remorsement for the days we used to know
Leaning toward the future, with a silent wave, you'll go
There is no chance of salvation
We can't stop this presentation
Just a hope that life will treat you well no matter where you go

With a longing heart imprinted on the sandy shores below
The last touch of remembrance, you'll turn away; you'll go
I have no separate dreams waiting
I'll just sit here contemplating
The impact that the winds of change can blow

And with time parting, I will stand and through the years will grow
But one day oh so silently we both know that you'll go
You'll go softly with no tears
And I will overcome the fears
Of misconception of the days we used to know

Twenty-two

nail me to the cross I've built, oh shepherd boy
a lifetime's work I've put into it, oh nail me, shepherd boy

no we cannot be together, hear the chimes, you must go now
hail ye now the mighty dollar, shepherd boy walks off to war
hey hey the steeple cowers, thrust my cross into the ground
hey hey his young mind wanders, to the great cause he is bound

all around me lay the bloodstains, oh shepherd boy
the soldiers' ghosts prophecies around me, oh shepherd boy

here he marches on the field, hear the grand old cannonballs
fire to save your burning spirit, shepherd boy can see no more
hey hey battle has begun, nails wound me to the bone
hey hey the war is eternal, hear my creaking spirit groan

hell burns in all her glory now, oh shepherd boy
the fires that rage cannot be silenced, oh shepherd boy

all the dreams of power and righteousness, hear the cries of the boy's heart
do what's told and don't you dare ask why; shepherd boy can hear no more
hey hey the sky is lighted, i am bound with ropes and gore
hey hey the flame's ignited, welcome to the depths of war

hear the last of my sobs tonight, oh shepherd boy
all is fair in love and war now, oh shepherd boy

tortured, twisted, all the horrors no child's face ever should see
so shall you meet the face of death, shepherd boy there is no more
hey hey the cause of justice, now my cross does stand alone
hey hey the body perishes, all the world has turned to stone

goodbye to our one last factor, oh shepherd boy
my soul is scratched, the wounds forever, oh shepherd boy

hey hey the steeple cowers, thrust my cross into the ground
hey hey the war is ended:
no one left to hear the sound

Twenty-one

What's wrong, little child?
Hanging pendulum from the ceiling
Licking the thorny vine
Millenniums pass and still looking
Silent stars, your single companion
Lost, lonely girl
Where has your life gone?
And what have you to show for it?
Picking trash to stay alive
Tripping over dead and decomposing dreams
Left to rot in a pool of acid
Dripping chemicals like a ladybug's tear

Strong scents of incense
Drifting through the heavy blankets of smog
That stings my eyes and makes them tear
The songbird sings no more

Fear not, she says
There is a safe escape
Do not listen to what they tell you
You have chosen your fate
Planned it thoroughly
And you dare claim to be afraid?

Death smiles all around us
Kneading his twisted fingers into a ball of success
Grinning with his evil eye
Life becomes powerless
Overcoming neither the simple task of survival
nor the eternal dream of happiness

I see your face is covered
Peering through the eerie silence
There is nobody left but you and me---
Find your own way home.

Twenty

And evermore I long to run
And in the end there is only one

All the tears that I have shed
Leave no mark in the world
This glorious, strong goddess
Is a lost and lonely girl

All the times I looked your way
You never heard what I had to say

But the sun will shine before me
And I will walk the path of gold
And melt down all the walls of ice
In this dark and bitter cold

Nineteen

Anticipation leads to nothing
You build me up to tear me down
I have once more, been forgotten
Beaten, defeated, on the ground

And who guards where I'm meant to stand?
How many? Many more!
So foolish for me to believe
It would be me whom you'd adore

What goes up, they say, must come down
You are my heartsick sin
Like I've done so many times before -
Will keep it all within

Eighteen

One day
Sublime
One day
In my prime
One day
I will shine
One day
At a time

Seventeen

There's a stillness in the night
And the moon is shining bright down onto me
There's a silence in the air
But a voice is hanging there calling to me

There are footprints on the coast
Of the legendary ghost lingering on
And a phantom vessel sails
To the isle under the veils, to Avalon

There's a lady on the lake
Her blood runs through my veins
A shadow of my motherland
Upon these grounds on which I stand
Oh, where is the circle?
Oh, where is the song?

There are some who say she's gone
But I know she lingers on lost in the haze
Where there's a dream, there's a way
And I will find my way back to Avalon

The starlight shines my way
As I roam about the bay, this summer sea
And the song plays in my mind
Like I'm reaching over time to destiny

For the time is drawing near
My seclusion's ending here; and there she lies
And the ancient wheel will spin
And the thickened mists will thin before my eyes

There's a greeting from the sun:
The time for change has come
With every step I wander
Gives me more of life to ponder
Oh, show me the doorway
Oh, send me a sign

When I see her glitter on
Like a jewel upon the dawn, I will be free
Where there's a dream, there's a way
And I will find my way back to Avalon

What is life without mystery?
What is time without memories?
Where do I go when I seek to go home ---
Where do I turn when the stars cease to burn?

To Avalon

Sixteen

An open invitation to arouse your inspiration
Welcome to our celebration of a perfect liberation

Awaken, it's the witching hour
We're moonstruck with nocturnal power
We come from all directions to go running with the wolves

Exult this midnight ecstacy indulging in the lunacy
The night is wild and we are free and howling at the moon

Fifteen

Heart beat
Touch me
I'm here
Search me

Stand back
Look away
I'm gone
End the day

Turn back
Second glance
Question me
Take a chance

Fallen
Fallen
Fallen

Shining brightly
Shadow sin
Forget me not
Try again

Phantom warning
Too much time
Fortune telling
Read my mind

Cursed angel
Tarnished glow
Hold my breath
Wretched soul

Fallen
Fallen
Fallen

Fourteen

Forbidden fruit
I blush desire
you suck me in with ripe flirtation
all hot and flushed
and I'm on fire
can I withstand this grave temptation

Forbidden fruit
Blood red desire
of endless possibilities
the flesh is weak
and I'm a liar
i beg down upon my knees

innocence versus corruption
my salvation, my destruction
the time is right
the fruit is ripe
upon one spoken word this night......

Thirteen

All my tears are blackened
as the ashes fall onto the floor
I guess you can be happy
That I don't come around anymore

All my midnights clouded over
Loaded with the days I knew
Crushed by arrows piercing darkness
Clouds to overcast you

All my glory songs are silenced
Censored by your spoken word
The candle flame gone from your breath
My voice no longer heard

All my thoughts are broken down
And cast aside in my mind's eye
My days are ended in this book
I've no more tears to cry

Twelve

She makes music and she sings
and hopes and dreams
and I love her oh so madly
yet she twists an eerie sickness
in her long brown hair
and she looks at me with drooping eyes
and tired skin and pale cheeks
she wants me to say the magic words
to make everything go away
to give her light anew
in sleeping twilight
her animal dreams
her childish, simple statements of
idealism
such a black looming cloud
she wraps around her like
grandmother's babushka
how i wish i could take you home
as i push you out the door.

Eleven

Oh Playful friend of my childhood:

This is my feast, and you're invited
For see the candles we've ignited
A cup for you, a cup for me
Drink now, friend, to prosperity

Ten

Twilight in the garden
Purple swirling cloudy sky
Damp cool grass under bare feet
Sparkles of the fireflies

Citronella circling smoke
From tiki torches dimly lit
Bean stalk snaking round the trellis
Ashes in the fire pit

Black eyed susans lazy lounging
Berries fruiting on the vine
Sprouting buds reaching for heaven
The maple, oak and pine

Will you join me in my garden
Will you watch the faeries dance
Will you leave the city splendour
Will you come and take a chance

For here is life from bud to fruit
And here you meet eternity
Will you meet me in the garden
Come and watch life grow with me

Nine

Ice frozen memories drip from their isolated sanctuaries
All those nights, I walked alone
Without you to hold my hand
Or the comfort of a friend
Padding on streets of crystal-flaked concrete
With night's blanket draping over my starving, cold body
All the windows were black
And the silence was taunting
So pausing was then futile with the looming, blazing cloud of death
Following in my footsteps
The pain took parts of my mind and then dashed away
(That thief)
And half of my past is buried within its secret chambers
No one opened a door for me
No one knew how much I was in need
You slept peacefully as I froze outside your window
Goodnight, my sweet.

Eight

Morning sheds its glorious light
Sunbeams dancing through the clouds
Breath of fresh air
Sparkling in the atmosphere
Singing birds and laughing leaves
Slowly tumbling to the ground

Good Morning Mother
Singing goddess
Thank you for this blessed day
Touch the sky for me today

The earth is in all her majestic spelendour
A day of life has spawned
Windy breezes through the grasses
Flowers bend to greet the dawn
The roses lift their weary heads
And life begins again

Good Morning Mother
Singing goddess
Wrapped in robes of light
Touch the sky for me today

Seven

It was all a dream, and a dream you are
A falling wish upon a star
My dreams could take me far and wide
And save me from the world outside
But dreams can only fade away
And be forgotten in the day
And though I may have been unsure
It was all a dream, and a dream you were.

Six

Poetry whispers
In my silent mind again
All because of you

My breasts weep golden
Tears of milk for only you
In silent homage

I am humbled in
Honor and awe in the
Gift of motherhood

Five

You
Were the one
You knew
what I wanted
You gave me
Redemption
You let me
Start over

Here I come begging
With sick poison dripping
With wrought desperation
I cry out for grace

He
Doesn't love me
He scoffs
At my weakness
He knows
I'm imperfect
He hates me
I know it

And here I lie writhing
In wretched self-absorption
I ask for your favor
In stale futility

I am
No believer
I lost
My divinity
Nothing
Is sacred
I have become broken

The child, she loves you
She trusts your protection
She waits for your homecoming
She never forgets.

Mother,
Redeem me!
I cling to your
Waist skirt
In hopes
Someday
I can be
Worthy of love.