Day 5 - anna kiss

this life like a loop:
over and over
built upon building,
its constant and necessary upkeep
to protect all that is here from the fray
held between these fingertips
this subtle decaying of
flesh become dust
the falling of fuzz from
sweater to floor and its
movement to and fro
across carpet like continents
forth and back again
the skipping of records
the revolutions of minutes
the arch of my storyline
remains unattractive
in its commonness
in this compellingly normal
and unrepentant
domesticity

we carry each other like
lists across calendars,
uncoiling snakes of that yet to do
that not quite done
and the ticking off of
objectives is the only measurement we have
of the life lived,
well or no.

Thursday Night Nowhere Poem

don't bother to knock
or try the lock
i don't hear you
i don't answer

i rub my eyes like a child
too tired to know
or say so and then
the head to the ground

you spin my words
you make them into something
new, or foreign
something that scares me

i try to make up for lost time
leave you notes
clues
quiet manipulations

but we pass each other
without touching
even when the walls
come marching in.

ksaint

Five

You
Were the one
You knew
what I wanted
You gave me
Redemption
You let me
Start over

Here I come begging
With sick poison dripping
With wrought desperation
I cry out for grace

He
Doesn't love me
He scoffs
At my weakness
He knows
I'm imperfect
He hates me
I know it

And here I lie writhing
In wretched self-absorption
I ask for your favor
In stale futility

I am
No believer
I lost
My divinity
Nothing
Is sacred
I have become broken

The child, she loves you
She trusts your protection
She waits for your homecoming
She never forgets.

Mother,
Redeem me!
I cling to your
Waist skirt
In hopes
Someday
I can be
Worthy of love.

#5 Mary 2009

Certainty Lost

Years float by forgotten
Pushed behind my mind
A thousand voices
Pummeling me into reality
Dreaming of truth
Searching in vain
Obsession returns
Invading every thought
Vicious cycle so familiar
Entangled emotions
Clouded web of insanity
Welcomes me home

Four

Sing with me now once again that precious lullaby
That held the realms of hell away and let my life float by
The source of nature, held afar, kept at a safe arm's length
The sweet, lost little melody that once did give us strength
Its notes flew over little chords, a musical embrace
That desperate tune of memory and pain we had to face
A trinket of our past, a song, that echoes in my mind
A tune of hope and prayers for all that would happen in time
The blessed little harmony kept me awake at night
It haunted me throughout the day, it held onto me tight
So sing with me again one time the song that we both know;
The precious little lullaby that helped us once to grow.

Day Four - anna kiss

the forward surge

all the good thoughts were
taken by morning:
the sluggish waking
of this reluctant citizen
motivated equally by
a lifelong cultivation
of puritan work ethic
and a taste for anarcho-stylings
so that what needs to be done
and what should be done
are drawn in stark contrast.

it is troublesome for the mind
to reconcile -
the warped imagery of
examining both
what is close up
and what is far away,
the macro
and the micro,
the acute
and the general,
and neither wins out
no call is made,
only the stomach grinds
with such confusion
the seas churn
and crash
no stillness.
no silence.
just the pounding headache
rising mountainous
between Should and Must,
Right and Worthy.

the economics of Doing
become complicated by
need and desire.
the line between grows indistinct
under this desert of snow,
this lengthening winter,
this growing sorrow
made of deepening poverty,
long darknesses,
no net joined of long arms in stretched embrace,
just two legs cast a'striding
all day, everyday.

how much can one ask of one's hands?
how much work must be wrought by the hands
before the heart wears out?

#4 Mary 2009

Sounds Sing Out Simply

Flowing from my fingers
Words written in a whisper
Clattering keys all a clutter
Poems prevailing without promise
Toward tomorrow for today
Inquisitively ignorant about infinity
Beyond belief that binds
My mind through magnificence
Ending eventually with effort